Being a working Mother is tough, and it isn't always a choice we make willingly. It's a fact, that in this day and age, many Mothers have to work in order to feed their families, pay the mortgage and help keep the proverbial wolf from the door. With this comes the guilt for leaving your children, and the seemingly never-ending juggling act that is meeting your families needs. As a working Mother I know and accept this, I don't complain about it, and I strive to maintain a work-life balance in my home, while meeting the needs of my husband and three children to the best of my ability.
The toughest part though, in my opinion, isn't being a working parent, and balancing day-to-day life, it's listening to the assumptions and assertions made about Mothers who work. Fathers somehow seem to escape this kind of attention. I'm referring to people who make the assumption that you work because you are career focused, or not the maternal type, and who secretly judge you for the choice you have made, people who blog and rant about the damage done to the children of working Mothers.
I don't judge anyone. Parenting is a challenge, but so is life. I admire and respect parents that stay at home to raise their children, it's not easy being a full-time carer, but I also hope they realise how fortunate they are to have that choice. I respect Mothers who admit to being career driven, or those that work because they find it hard staying at home. I believe fundamentally that most parents want what is best for their children, and strive to provide it.
I have done my share of pureeing home made baby foods and expressing breast milk, volunteering at school and the playgroup run, and I loved it, I love being a Mother, most of the time.
Much of the guilt that I have felt over the years, however, was fuelled by sanctimonious parents with seemingly perfect lives and perfect children, people who I really shouldn't have listened to, because nobody is perfect.
I suppose my message is this. To any of you Mothers, working or otherwise, who are feeling guilty, overwhelmed and sometimes struggle to get the balance right, give yourself a break! It doesn't matter if your life isn't perfect. Get a takeaway tonight, and eat off paper plates, spend your time reading to your children, or going on a bike ride, because that is what matters. Something has to give, for the sake of your sanity, and it really doesn't matter whether your house is dust-free and your ironing basket is empty. Give yourself permission to cut corners and find ways of saving time and money, so that you can focus on being a Mother and enjoy the time you have with your family. They won't be little for very long.
Most importantly though, and this is hard, don't compare your life to other peoples, don't judge others for the choices they make, and never become one of those smug parents who think they've got it all right, because being a parent is tough for everyone, and if you don't know it now, wait until you have teenagers, lol :o)
